The Girls are Four!

Four years ago, I was opening birthday presents in the hospital and waiting to be released after my mastectomy and reconstruction.   This is what I looked like my first day home:

Four years later, the scars are almost completely faded.  

The nipple area before was patched with skin from my abdomen and later formed into a new nipple, completed with areola tattoos.  

The tattoos have faded a bit, so I'm thinking of having them touched up again, but these girls have come a long way!  

Happy 4th!

H&P #27 + Dr. Visit

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world.

        Jack Layton                                      .

There have been days of terrible news over the last few weeks.  The world seems to be so full of hate, darkness, and destruction.  The thought of the society in which my children are growing makes me sad and a little worried.  We do strive to teach our children (and pray over them) to be kind to everyone, to be positive leaders, and to stand up for what's right, but these qualities seem to be less and less prominent in society.  It's getting harder and harder to have hope in the future. 

However, I cannot allow myself to worry for my sons' futures.  I need hope and optimism for my own future WITH them, so I have come to see the changes that come about when we take one day at a time, give gratitude for even small miracles, and blot out fear for future days.  I have no idea how long I will be able to stay on earth, but I don't want to waste any of those moments angry, full of hate, or lost in despair.  

We do change the world by beginning with our own thoughts and deeds toward ourselves and other people.  It sometimes must start with a personal change of heart and/or behaviors--whether to be more loving and kind, driving out fear, and learning to see the glass half full.  Add in a little courage, and we truly make the world a better place, even if just for ourselves and our own families.

Cancer has taught me to try to be less critical of others, as everyone has their own 'hard.'  I have turned into an optimist out of necessity; what good is the fighting if you don't have hope in surviving?  As I have honestly shared my highs and lows throughout this journey, it's been in an effort to help others, to touch hearts, and to build hopes.  I have LOVED hearing from people all over the country (and a few in other parts of the world) who have been touched through my thoughts and experiences.  It's one simple way I've been able to fulfill my own mission on earth, as well as change the world one heart at a time.           

KICKING CANCER TO THE CURB + mermaid leggings, an early bday present from my sister!!!!!

Head Collection

From the beginning of this cancer journey, one of the more fun parts has been the wigs.  I've enjoyed naming each one and using my baldness as a way to get to try out different looks through each new hair style and color.

My sister once asked if it's anything like the movie "Return to Oz," and Princes Mombi.  (For those not familiar with this one, I'm shocked how often movies of the 80's has provided scenes of pure terror for its children.  I'd almost forgotten about this one!)





I guess it can be a little like that, choosing a girl for the day.  Hopefully, it's not nearly as creepy, minus the Powder of Life!

Book Sale!!!!

For a limited time only!!!

My book is now on sale at Amazon for only

$3.45!!!

The link is on the side of my blog.

Anyone who buys the book and leaves a (positive, hopefully) review, COMMENT, and I'll donate money to a local cancer support group!

If you already own the book, why not buy a few for gifts?  

Can you really get much under $5.00 these days?  

Host a book club.  The possibilities go on and on.  

Plus, I am happy to sign your book--if you're not local, we can work something out! 

Happy Reading!!!  

Shot #5--Left Side

This month's shot was just an in and out appointment.  The boys even came along for the "fun."  Another one done and back to enjoying the last few weeks of summer.

Kicking Cancer to the Curb, one week at a time!  

H&P #26

Someone recently told me she loved my wigs.

"How many do you have?," she asked.   

"Several, in many colors."  

"You don't have a bright red one."  

"Oh, but I do!"

Ariel just spends a lot of time under the sea.  

(I realized there haven't been pictures of me in every wig, 

so treatment day was time to change that!) 

I heard a quote this week that has me thinking:

?There are only two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is.? (It's attributed to Albert Einstein, but the interwebs aren't all in agreement on that fact.)

One thing cancer has taught me is to look for the good in everyday.  I am NOT a naturally-born optimist, so this was obviously a lesson I needed.  However, over the last four years on this journey, I have been transformed in more ways than one.   One of the biggest changes I've noticed is my every day outlook.  I try to see the blessings, the tender mercies, the many miracles that have added up to my ability to beat cancer and to dance IN the rain--not just when (or if) the rainbow appears.

And then I realized:

This quote isn't always about the moment.  There are plenty of moments when we don't like where we are or what's happening to us and the only focus that makes sense is to wish things would change---not the good things that are going on at the same time.  I don't like cancer, and I don't think it's a miracle, but miracles haven't ceased in my life.  There have been plenty of days that I am not happy to carry the cancer cloud, but the sky is not all dark.  I will not mislead and act as if my life is sunshine and chocolate all the time, or that I believe that EVERYTHING is a miracle.  The quote is to describe life over the long run.   Do I look for the blessings and the light?  Can I be grateful during difficulties and notice the thousands of tiny miracles that happen, even while life is at its worse?  Do I TRY to do so, even if I don't always succeed?  Then, I am (trying) to live my life "as though everything is [a miracle.]"

It's only through a chain of thousands of miracles that any of us are even here, born healthy.  Then, we leave the hospital, and the fun begins.  I think back to all the times when I actually witnessed that my life has been saved; I can only begin to imagine the total amount of blessings that have been poured out in order for me to have learned all I've learned and accomplished all I've done.  Miracles.

Every so often, huge arrows point out the exact moment something miraculous occurs.  Other than those specific moments of light, it's up to me to open my eyes and see.  It's crucial that I learn to place the spotlight on all that I have and to show my gratitude for blessings that pour out every single day.

Numerous studies have found that gratitude leads to a happier and healthier life, two things I need, especially now.  So, as I strive to live as though everything is a miracle, worthy of my gratitude, I can train my brain and body to feel even more happy through tough times and to be more healthy through them.  Win-Win.

It's not an easy task or something done once and never again.  It's a practice in humility and in training my eyes, mind, and heart to turn to God.  

  

 Continuing to kick cancer to the curb, one step at a time.

It's much easier with help! (Evan at church.)