Marking Session

Today I got five new tattoos to add to my collection.  These are nothing special, just 5 small dots, the size of a freckle.  

I met with Dr. Goble again today and explained some of the challenges with yesterday and some concerns from Dr. Naqvi.  He assured me that it IS cancer and they will only do a minimal amount of radiation and only on the T7, T8 spot where the bones have sustained the most damage.  He wants to reduce pain, but to also prevent this from messing with my spinal cord.  

I'm ready to get going.  Even thought Dr. N wants me to have a second opinion, I feel great about our current plan.  I've heard from 2 radiologists who specialize in backs/spines and they both recommended the exact treatment as Dr. Goble and his partner, Dr. S.  

In preparation for my first radiation, I had to have ANOTHER CT scan to determine the placement of the marking dots.  This way, I will also be placed at the same location on the table and the radiation will be able to be directed to the exact spot.  

After the scan, I was marked with a pen and then given 5 tiny tattoos.  There are 3 down the middle of my chest and one on each side to level.  They also marked the tiny tats with a paint pen to help with positioning for the first time, and so the tattoos would not get lost or confused with an actual freckle!  Here's what 2 of these spots look like when they were done:

I also get my very own pink fleece robe to use each time for my sessions!  Bring it on! 

Nothing about this is easy or expected.  I thought I was on my way to living a normal life and loving being  a survivor.  Now, the unexpected has happened, and way too quickly since the last battle.  I still feel much more at peace today.  

Doctors are very knowledgeable and have their specialities, but at the end of the day, they are all PRACTICING medicine.  A certain treatment might have a high rate of success, but nothing is EVER 100%.  There was supposed to be a 98% chance my cancer wouldn't come back, but it did.  There might be certain things that can't be explained, and I'm going to have to be okay with that.  One doctor might follow one plan, while another would try something differently.  It doesn't mean that either one will work with my individual body and all the other factors that could be affecting my case.  Just as in EVERY pregnancy is different, even for the same women, doctors can only give us the average expectations.  I have to press forward and understand that there is not ONLY one option in this battle and if I pick the wrong one, it's all over.  I won't give up fighting as long as there's even a chance of beating this thing.  

We will all have difficult times.  There are trials that we can't explain and might affect us from no fault of our own.   When we face them without fear, we are strengthened.