I had the follow-up appointment for my EGD today. It looks like I will get to compare and contrast this procedure while sedated vs. non-sedated sooner than I thought because they need to collect a larger sample. Unfortunately, the pathology report from the original biopsy isn't good. "These findings are highly suspicious for epithelial malignancy with lymphovascular invasion. A primary vs. metastatic carcinoma cannot be ruled out and additional biopsies may be needed for definitive diagnosis." But, hey--good news: a GMS stain is negative for fungal organisms. So, there's cancer in my throat, but not fungi.
I'm not taking this news well. I just sat and cried in the doctor's office. Then, I cried on the way home. And I cried any time the phone rang or I thought about any of this. I'm ON chemo and they found an area of my body with cancer that didn't show up on the scans. It leads me to think about where else it's growing and what we are missing and how bad this is going to get. I have not given up hope, but today has just hit me pretty hard. I'm sad and low and scared. I thought I was past the tear stage, but it's back with a vengeance.
One day at a time: tomorrow I will continue with chemo, talk with my oncologist, schedule another scope WITH anesthesia, and hope for the best.
I feel like every time we take two steps forward, we are knocked one step back. But, that still leaves us one step closer than we were before starting.
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