It just so happened that my treatment fell on October 31st, so I used it as an excuse to dress up in my pink princess power suit. The sight of me brought smiles to some, eye contact avoidance with others, and the comment, "You must be a FUN person!"
I like to think I am a pretty fun person, even when I'm not dressing up for a holiday. I try to be positive and friendly. I try to serve others and give back. I've felt that it's important to stand out and stand up, using my journey through cancer to inspire hope. This month, I lost a bit of wind from my sails, though. I sadly found out that some people think my faith isn't inclusive to supporting all women facing a cancer battle and that my story isn't compelling enough because it's not a "happy ending," that my future is unknown.
I felt pretty defeated after learning these opinions. Beside my family, my biggest reason for keeping up the fight is to support and inspire others through their similar cancer journey, or though any challenge they might face. I kept going over and over in my mind why these people couldn't or wouldn't see that. I kept challenging these opinions, just in my own head.
"True, I could die of cancer. But, that doesn't mean my story isn't inspiring! No one makes it out of this life alive. We all have a terminal illness. It's called 'mortality.' The inspiring part is what you do with the time you're given and how you face the storms and learn to dance in the middle of them! I fight with faith, perhaps not the same faith that every person does, but finding faith and hope and love in something is what the fight is all about. Perhaps my story could inspire others to find their own faith."
I questioned if I should give up and quit putting myself out there, stop sharing my faith and hope for the future, no matter how long it may be. The comments stung. I took them too personally. I wanted to fix it, to fight back and defend myself, to make them see.
Soon, I was shown that I just needed to turn the other cheek. Trying to debate these opinions would get me no where and would sever friendships more than it would satisfy my pride. However, I don't want anyone to ever feel that they aren't good enough, or that their story doesn't matter, the way I felt for several days this month.
In case no one has tole you:
You are loved and known. You have a part to play in this world. There will times when certain people don't believe in you, don't agree with your positions, or don't fully support you. Those are people who don't quite understand. Those people are not your tribe. Find your tribe, and allow them to fight fiercely, right along with you. With your warriors on your side, it's so much easier to break through the self doubt and hold on to hope. You always have someone in your corner, so keep on keepin' on. You are good enough!
Still kicking cancer's butt!
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