I had an appointment with Dr. Fleener this morning. She gave me the result from my Muga test, and my heart is back to normal. (just above 55, up from 50.) This meant I was able to continue treatment! I had my regular drugs, the 2nd of the 3 month Zoladex shots, and a Zometa infusion for my bones. The other good news is that I had remembered to write down all my questions since the last appointment, and I got answers to all of them today! It was a long, LONG day. (And I bled all over my shirt after the shot in my belly. Thank goodness for hydrogen peroxide and Tide Sticks!)
The bad news was I wasn?t able to make my traditional chemo-day lunch, as Jesse?s closed before I was finished. There?s always next time! The other bad news is that I keep going through these cycles of coughs/congestion. I'll just get over it, and someone else will bring more germs into the house from who-knows-where. At least I don't have to worry about that other monthly cycle anymore! I was coughing and snotting a lot and enjoyed the long, Benadryl-induced nap:
It was nice to catch up with a friend, who's also five years post diagnosis. We take one of the same drugs and are on the same 3-week schedule. I like being able to share with people who "get it."
It?s an interesting state I?m in these days. Grateful for remission, for sure, but still clouded by the unknown. Will cancer come back? Where this time and when? How do I live, truly live, in the meantime? I have been healed, for now, thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, prayers, hope, faith, and great blessings, but will this healing last?
What do I do now? Two things come to mind: 1) Stand as a witness of God and of the mighty miracles that can happen by faith. 2) Have faith that God will continue to bless me AND faith that it will be okay when/if it is my time to be called home.
It is part of my gratitude for health and small victories in the battle with cancer that I express how God has blessed me and my family. Through prayers and blessings and the Lord?s hand in all things, I am still here. Stephen is still here supporting and loving me. Our boys are developing with compassion and understanding in their learning, not having been stunted or damaged from the storm that has been over their lives, as well. Finances have been stretched, but always come together. We have been protected from injury and have healed from small and large illnesses. Because of all these amazing blessings, I continue to try to be a light to others, especially young mothers who, unfortunately, find themselves in a similar situation to mine. I have bad days, days I?m angry and tired and hurting and wishing it would all just go away, but I know that I am here, and as long as I can, I will stand up, speak out, and endure.
Hope in the face of great challenge can be a hard thing to grasp. Faith in the unknown and against all odds sometimes seems aimless. It can be easy to feel overwhelmed and lost, but I have learned to see the tender mercies in every day. I have seen blessings from even the most simple hope and faith. The windows of heaven continue to pour out blessings. I have begun to understand that my God IS able to deliver me from the pain and turmoil of the fight with cancer, BUT IF NOT?.I will still press forward in faith. (see Daniel 3: 17-18).
Thank you to all of my warriors for helping me press on.
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